Make Every Word Tell-- Write For Maximum Impact

Today's tip, the subject which will be focused on the issue of the utilization of language for maximum clarity and verbal impact--thus provides the recipient with factual information they may utilize to leverage the preparation and construction of high-quality business documents...

Yikes--that was hard to write! Once you're skilled at writing for impact, puffed-up prose like this feels as awkward as an elephant on a skateboard!

A common pitfall of business writing is the tendency to "puff up" sentences--like the one that opens this tip. The usual result: anything BUT clear communication!

We recently edited a business plan. Much of our work involved breaking up long, confusing sentences. We transformed them into simple, efficient phrases. The authors were aghast: "You shortened our beautiful long sentences!"

We asked them to close their eyes and listen to an example. We opened a document to a random page and stabbed a finger down. Then we read them a few lines. When we finished, they laughed at what we had read. They mocked the author. He'd tried to so hard to impress, but had failed to communicate anything! Everyone in the room laughed--except one person. That was the author. We pointed out that the sentences we'd read were picked at random from their plan!

Let's take a look at some of the sins of our opening sentence:1. Awkward use of commas ("Today's tip, the subject...")

2. The use of many words when few will do. Here's what this sentence wants to say:

Today's tip will help you write clearly for impact.

From 43 words to 10...and it communicates so much better!

3. The use of the passive voice ("will be") instead of the active voice ("is"). The active voice brings vigor and impact to your message.

4. The use of jargon-y words to make the message sound big and complex. "Utilize" and "leverage" mean the same as "use." Many of the phrases and word choices are also full of hot air.

5. A long, complex sentence construction. Long sentences aren't bad, but they are often misused. Short, direct sentences carry more punch. A message with long, flabby sentences is like a house built with spaghetti. Simple, clear sentences help build a house with bricks.

The real masters of communication strive for simplicity. They understand the clarity and power of brief, honest messages. Consider these lines from a famous speech:

We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.

When President Lincoln made this speech, on the still-bloody field of the bloodiest battle in American history, he honored us all. He avoided phony, puffed-up language. Instead, he spoke a stark and powerful truth. Look at his use of simple words and sentences. He builds a complex and subtle message--like bricks in a house. Take away any of its sentences and the passage loses its logic. Thus, every phrase, every word is essential.

In closing, consider these words of William Strunk, Jr., author of The Elements of Style:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell. (Page ix)

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